Three years ago, I decided to apply to law school. One of the first tasks I discovered was writing a Personal Statement. After extensive research, I found a concise list of "don'ts" for writing a personal statement:
1. Do not focus upon your weaknesses. 2. Do not “write like a lawyer.” 3. Do not solely discuss why you want to be a lawyer. 4. Avoid a boring introduction that loses the reader’s attention. 5. Do not use clichés, slang, or contractions. 6. Avoid controversial issues. 7. Do not reiterate your academic accomplishments. 8. Do not write about a romance. 9. Do not sound arrogant. 10. Do not use the words, “And at that moment I knew…” (bonus: 11. make sure the statement you send reflects a basic knowledge of the college you are applying to)
Feeling ambitious, I decided that along with writing my own personal statement (presumably my best work), I would also attempt to write the worst personal statement possible.
Disclaimer: associations to real people are coincidental and accidental. The views in this personal statement do not reflect my own.
--
At the tender age of five, I knew I was destined to be a lawyer. I constantly argued with the other children about property rights, religious rights, and other rights. I became the best known orator of my time, according to all the kids that I talked to. I became obsessed with Harvard and other ivy league schools after seeing the classic "Legally Blonde." It was from this movie and other reliable media sources that I picked up Latin at the tender age of eight.
I don't quite know where my greatness came from. Most likely I gained it in utero ("in the womb," for those who aren't fluent in the romantic languages). My father always dreamed of being a lawyer. It was he who helped me get my name changed. I'm not sure how he got to see a judge that quickly, but he was always very good with money. I've always assumed he paid extra to get the court date bumped up. Because of my obsession with law, I wanted a name that truly represented my passions. Thus, I changed my name from Jane Wilkinson to Lora Anne Wilkinson (LAW). I feel that this alone gives the the uniqueness and diversity that so many law schools strive for. This moment was a defining one in my life, and I feel that it shows my strength, depth of character, and attention to detail. At that moment I knew that once I fulfilled my dream and entered law school, I would be capable of saving the world.
Of course, my life hasn't always been that easy. I spent most of my junior high years sobbing hysterically because of the verbal abuse I received from my teachers, most of which told me that my work was not at an "A" level, and that if I paid more attention in class, I might do better. They clearly would not know a true genius if it slapped them in the face. But, I found it in my heart to forgive them. As the legal phrase goes, "Errare humanum est" (To err is human). I now have quite good relations with all my teachers--I send the school a card every year, letting them know how much I have improved academically.
Leadership has always come naturally to me. I remember when I got my first pony, and how I trained it without any prior experience. I was able to transfer this leadership to other areas on my life, like when I took the lead in cabbages for 4H. This was a very controversial topic at the time, because many illegal immigrants also entered the contest. I blame the poor fortification of our borders for the fact that I only received a second prize that day.
My life took a turn for the worse that year when I was unjustly dumped by my boyfriend. However, after some intense therapy I overcame my anger. I now only occasionally plan revenge, and I have not acted upon any of these plans for the past six months. This self restraint is something that any lawyer should possess. Through channeling my freed up energy, I was able to graduate with high honors from the Wilkinson Academy (run by my mother, who was a certified teacher at one time in her life).
In conclusion, while I have had many trials in my life, I have overcome them all and developed the leadership, academic, and social skills needed to be a successful lawyer. I hope to go to Harvard because it is in England, and I've always wanted to study out of the country. Thank you.
Rhetorically,
Rebekah
Clever!
ReplyDelete